It’s not like we walk around the house in the buff all the time. We aren’t nudists. But we do occasionally travel back and forth between the bathroom and bedroom sans clothing AND we do it without shrieking and grabbing the nearest towel to cover up when a family member approaches.
I am annoyed by people who are hung up about nudity. Everyone is naked under their clothing. What’s to get all uptight about?
Emma loves to tell me ALL ABOUT my jiggly bits. Note the use of the plural “bits” in the previous sentence there. There is more than one area that jiggles, located both north and south of the equator.
I have a carefully crafted reply when she gets on that “mummy is jiggly” bandwagon.
“I love my body,” I tell her. “It’s not big and it’s not small. This is what a normal body looks like.”
She thinks about that, yet never really adds her own comment. The truth is I love my body … most days. On some days I dislike it. But I am getting used to the changes that are happening and trying to deal with it all in my own way.
Are you wondering how we explain overweight people? We don’t. We say that people come in all shapes and sizes and colours, and at our very core we are all the same.
The word “fat” and “diet” are not used around here. I am trying my hardest to keep it that way. I am doing my best to raise two girls so they always love themselves. I want them to know that intelligence, kindness, and generosity are far more important than beauty. And I want them to think they are beautiful the way they are, both inside and out. Â
I say thing like:
To Emma: “It’s great to be tall! It’s fun to be tall! Yay for being tall!”
To Sarah:” Curly hair is great! So few people have hair like you do. Yay for curly hair!”
Mark and I both congratulate them both on their smarts and creativity every day.
It sounds simplistic, but they’re still small. I think it’s helped, at least I hope it’s helped. Hair and height are physical attributes they can’t really change. The fat and diet thing is a different story.
I never step on the scale in front of them. I never fuss about my weight (out loud anyway) and as I mentioned, we don’t ever talk about diets. I’m not even sure the girls know what a diet is. But they DO know about exercise, the food groups, and about eating a balanced diet. Food = energy. We tell them their bodies are like cars and that they need the fuel to keep going… and even more importantly, they are growing. We drill it into them repeatedly. If they want to be big and strong they have to eat a healthy variety of food.
What it all boils down to is this: I am afraid that one of them will develop some kind of eating disorder. I don’t want to get into personal history, but I teetered on the verge during high school. Let’s call it Selective Eating. (Mom, don’t call me about this because I truly don’t want to discuss it.)
I blame the media (especially print media) for promoting and perpetuating a “thin is in” mentality. It’s sick, truly disturbing, this obsession the media has with women’s bodies. This is obvious in the Enquirer-type rags that are perfectly arranged at the eye level of a seven-year old girl. One week there is a front page photo about Nicole’s eating disorder, or one of the Olsen twins with their copper-pipelike arms and legs, a blouse slipping off the shoulder reveal something boney and angled and skeletal. The headline screams: she’s too thin! And then the very next week there’s a story about overweight celebrities, or what they “really” look like without makeup, with big arrows and bright circles highlighting the cellulite and Buddha bellies. Emma knows how to read. And she’s seen those magazines. I’ve asked her to ignore them because they are filled with lies and are only fit to line birdcages.
Emma and Sarah are different kinds of eaters. In simple terms, Emma is choosier but manages to eat a nutritious variety of foods. Sarah has a wider repertoire and enjoys her food more. She has her dislikes (including potatoes, tomato sauce, most cooked vegetables, squash and peanut butter) but loves things like sushi, asparagus and many types of cheese. Neither girl is a huge meat eater. I don’t exactly have a problem with that, but we’ve told them that if they want to become vegetarians they have to ramp up their vegetable intake… and that includes broccoli and beans. So far no one has volunteered to take that extra step.
Sarah, although she’s younger than Emma by two years, has a bigger appetite. This usually translates into an extra cob of corn or spoonful of rice at dinner. We eat pretty well around here. It’s not like she’s getting an extra Big Mac or second piece of cheesecake every night.
Sarah has, of course, has noticed that she likes to eat. She says there’s lots of room in her tummy. We tell her she’s a healthy eater and encourage extra helpings of healthy foods.
You’ll never hear me tell her, neither directly nor by implication, that she better watch what she eats. She’s not overweight, not in the least, but I believe that one comment (even made in jest) could plant that seed of self-loathing – even in a child as young as five.
Some people might disagree with that, but let’s think about it for a moment. Where does an eating disorder begin exactly? I’ve read enough to know that it often begins with seemingly innocuous comments (often from family members) around the dinner table.
“You better watch out,” jokes portly Uncle Drew, pointing his turkey drumstick at the young girl. “You’re going to look just like Auntie Fae if you keep eating like THAT.” He laughs. Auntie Fae gives her husband a swat with her napkin. Crumbs go flying.
“Never mind dear,” she chirps. “You’re bee-youu-tee-ful. Now your uncle on the other hand might want to think about joining the gym this year.” Everybody laughs, but the damage is done, because the girl has undoubtedly noticed Auntie Fae’s polyester-clad rump spreading over the edges of the dining room chair. The girl shifts uncomfortably in her seat. “No dessert for me,” she says softly, trying to mask the sadness in her voice.Â
Get my point? Perhaps you disagree, or have your own story to tell. I would love to hear if you do. In the meantime, we’re just going to continue eating healthy foods (increasing our intake of organics too) and being active. I am happy with the choices we’ve made. I’m not sure if this is all going to help as the girls get older. But that’s something we’ll have to worry about when the time comes.
