a peek inside the fishbowl

02 Jan, 2013

Saving things, using things

Posted by andrea tomkins in: Oh! Things!

Syndicated on BlogHer.com

I am fascinated by things, and our attachment to our things.

Why are some people hoarders? How are some people able to live out of a suitcase, or in carefully curated minimalist surroundings ?

The answer, of course, comes down to the psychology of it. Many people who have lived through hard times tend to keep a lot of things around “just in case” … and the people who live in minimalist environments probably don’t want to feel tied down to things for one reason or another. (I do believe that our things control us to a degree.) And then there’s a whole group of people who just keep buying and buying and buying, so much so that it’s given rise to a whole new industry: self-storage. (Did you know the U.S. self-storage market is worth approximately US $22 billion? Crazy.)

The emotional value of the “thing” in question usually comes down to the history attached to it. It’s something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately as we continue to go through our stuff post-reno. It’s hard to get rid of things like high-school yearbooks or our kid’s first pair of shoes because there’s a story there, and the story is more valuable than the item. But if the story is lost, that item becomes worthless. After we’re dead and gone, 99.9% of the items we cherish will disappear because they will no longer have a story.

I have a set of vintage Pyrex mixing bowls that I really love. It seems weird to love one’s mixing bowls, but I cannot help myself. They were my mom’s, and she gave them to me. I added a couple bowls to the set in colours that spoke to me sometime between then and now, but for the longest time they sat high on a shelf, seldom used but always admired from afar.

How can I put into words why I like these bowls so much. Perhaps it’s because they’re so simple in design. Perhaps it’s because they remind of an innocent time in which kids were encouraged to lick the beaters despite the Deadly Threat of Raw Egg. Perhaps I like them because of their colour, gentle on the eye, pleasing to the brain. Perhaps it’s because so many good things came from these bowls.

When we moved into our apartment over the summer I had to severely pare down our belongings. I bid farewell to extra gadgets and infrequently used dishes, bowls and plates. There just wasn’t room for them. I did, however, elect to keep my bowls, and I had no choice but to keep them handy because cupboard space was limited.

And so I started using them more often - for big tasks and for small - and you know what? It was more enjoyable to use those bowls than to watch them gathering dust. Now I keep them in a really deep drawer along with my other favourite cooking and baking tools. They are perfectly accessible for whenever I need them.

My drawer of pyrex bowls

Of course, by using the bowls I risk breakage - not just of the actual bowls but of my heart as I hear one of my kitchen treasures crashing to the floor. This has already happened to my favourite set of drinking glasses - vintage bird-watcher type glasses that I bought for a song at a yard sale. (One of them is pictured here.) I think I started with a set of seven or eight: a blue jay and a couple orioles, tanagers, and goldfinches, but they’ve been broken over time. [OMG - I just found them on eBay!!]

Here’s the question, what’s worth more to me emotionally… the happiness they bring me when I use them, or the happiness they bring me when I see them on the shelf and know they’re ok?

One of the other things I’d been saving is various bath salts and bubbles. In fact, I moved a whole bunch of them OUT of the house to our new apartment in the spring, and then FROM the apartment back into the renovated house. They were all untouched. I found container after container of the stuff as I unpacked. I hit a breaking point, and suffice it to say that the past couple weeks I have BATHED LIKE I HAVE NEVER BATHED BEFORE. And it feels good, really good, to use them up and then get rid of the packages that have been kicking around for ages, doing nothing but taking up space in my cupboard and in my brain.

Moving forward I think I will try to use my things more: the good dishes and my fancy lotions and soaps and pretty thank you cards. What have I been saving them for?

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13 Responses to "Saving things, using things"

1 | Stéphanie Montreuil

January 2nd, 2013 at 10:55 am

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My favourite sentence of this blog post is: “OMG - I found them on eBay!!” :) We can’t help ourselves can we?

I think there’s also a third option to consider… Do we need all that stuff in the first place? Obviously you use the bowls, so that’s a yes, but there are lots of things in our homes that we don;t even need and we buy anyway because of emotional attachment. The human brain is a scary place :)

2 | andrea

January 2nd, 2013 at 11:02 am

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No, we can’t help ourselves. We’re conditioned to love our THINGS! How can we not?

The question of want vs. needs has been one of the best lessons that’s come out of the Shopping Embargo for me. That and realizing my shopping triggers. Many of us buy things to make ourselves happy or as a little pick-me-up. But does it TRULY make us happy? I’m not so sure.

3 | Natalie

January 2nd, 2013 at 11:22 am

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I find the psychology behind hoarding fascinating.

We recently moved and I was forced to look at my stuff. I have a thing for handmade soaps. When I realized just how many I had, I declared an embargo. No more buying soap for at least the next year.

The same goes for clothes, as a former shopaholic I have waaay too much. Paring down becomes a priority.

Enlisting the help of an impartial friend when sorting helps if you can’t do it alone.

Once you get rid of what’s weighing you down, you feel a lot more free. Free to let in what you need :)

At least that’s the way I see it.

4 | Lisa from Iroquois

January 2nd, 2013 at 11:59 am

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I’ve gotten pretty good at not bringing new stuff into the house but letting go …. ooooohhhh now THAT is a whole other story. In my closet and in a hidden trunk are the dress from my high school graduation, the outfit I wore to my college grad party, a vintage leather bomber jacket from my skinny days and many other similiar treasures. I have not quite gotten to the point of releasing them but having spent the last two or three years going through my mother in law’s stash of quilting squares, and clothes to become squares of fabric I’m coming to a bittersweet confrontation with my own tendency to hang onto such things. I also helped a gf empty the home of friend of hers who had died with no one left to do that task. Another lesson in holding onto stuff. We even found stuff in the corner of the attic from the previous owner of the house - going back 40 years.

5 | binki

January 2nd, 2013 at 12:12 pm

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I have the same exact bowls (three of them) from my old aunt who is slipping away. She used to bring me cole slaw in the light yellow one because she knew I REALLY liked her creamy cole slaw. It was sooo good.

I use the bowls now. They remind me of her.

6 | Melissa

January 2nd, 2013 at 12:31 pm

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We did the same thing with some nice green tea cups we received for our wedding. They are lovely and I had them in the china cabinet and we never used them. So one day I brought them down and put them in the regular glass cupboard and we use them every day. Makes me much happier. So far, knock on wood, we’ve not broken any, but if we do, they have had a well loved life and remind me of my friend every time I use them.

7 | Lynn

January 2nd, 2013 at 1:16 pm

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I learned this lesson last year, too. We were having a garage sale and I thought I would sell the Bunnykins sets we had since they just sat in a cupboard and were never used. When I asked around online to see how much I should charge for them, everyone just suggested we *use* them instead. Now we use them every day, for the kids’ milk in the morning or for chips when watching TV. I love seeing them out and about…SO much better.

8 | Brenda A

January 2nd, 2013 at 1:30 pm

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LOVE your bowls! I would have a crush on them too if they were mine.

9 | binki

January 2nd, 2013 at 2:18 pm

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To me, there’s a huge difference between saving a large box of old family photos and keeping an offsite storage area to house 50 pairs of shoes you bought for dirt cheap.

10 | Giulia

January 2nd, 2013 at 3:51 pm

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Having moved countries several times in my life I have no problem in letting go and pairing down. I moved to Canada with 2 suitcases and 3 moving boxes - the rest was sold or given away.
There are some interesting books on how the memories are not the things…, but when you do have the space it can be hard to let go.
Self-storage - I believe that self-storage building in Ottawa is proportional to tiny condos being built - two more condo buildings = another self-storage building.

11 | Shan @ the fairy blogmother

January 2nd, 2013 at 5:40 pm

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There aren’t too many things I have a real strong attachment too. I have a magazine rack that gets shuffled around the house because it doesn’t really have a place, but my Dad built it for my grandparents a lot of years ago. He passed away when I was twelve and I just can’t give it up. We try to only keep stuff we use and love, but even with the best intentions some things just slip through.

12 | Nikki

January 2nd, 2013 at 7:49 pm

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Oh, this resonates with me. We just moved into a house that we hope to be in for many years. I had so much stuff that I was hanging onto in case we needed it when we finally bought a house. It felt GREAT to purge most of it. So far, I’m still in purge mode and constantly getting rid of stuff. It feels wonderful.

Also: use the good dishes. Life is too short. Except if they can’t go in the dishwasher. Life is also too short to handwash when you can use the dishwasher!

13 | Simon

January 4th, 2013 at 2:34 pm

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I recogonize the bowls as well, blue smallest, then red, green and yellow, the largest. They have held up well over the years and are definite ‘keepers’. I’ve been thinking a lot about ’stuff’, lately. I purged my LPs a couple of years ago, donated a bunch to the RPS Book Fair, I found it really difficult to let go but needed the space. I’m thinking my VHS tapes should go, rarely play them. Books will the toughest, because I really like books. When I’m mentally dividing ’stuff’ into piles of : Keep - Donate - Sell - Recycle - Garbage, I think if I had to leave with only an average sized suitcase worth of stuff, what would I keep to put in it? Thinking this way creates different class of ‘Keep’, such as ‘Keep because I can’ or ‘Keep, can’t be bothered to break the memory bond(s)’or ‘NO!, this is going in the suitcase!’ kind of keep. I hear you though, once we’re gone a treasured ticket stub is just a piece of paper without the memory keeper around to cherish it.

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Thank you for visiting! My name is Andrea and I live in the Westboro area of Ottawa with my husband Mark and our two daughters Emma (14) and Sarah (12). I've been blogging since 1999, which makes me either a total dinosaur or a veteran of the Canadian blog scene, I'm not sure which! The Fishbowl is my whiteboard, water cooler, and journal, all rolled into one. I am the Managing Editor of Capital Parent Newspaper but also make my living doing a bunch of other fun things. I'm passionate about healthy living, arts and culture, family travel, good food, and sharing the best of Ottawa for parents and kids. I also love vegetables, photography, gadgets, and great design.

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