Things to do before before the child has friends over to play:
Put away all tools with sharp edges and liquor bottles. This includes ALL razor blades.
Remove accummulated corks and beer caps from beside sink
Get dressed
Am I forgetting anything? :)
a
<sunday june 13, 2004 - 9:23 p.m>
I saw an awesome documentary film last night: Super Size Me. If you haven't seen it... run, don't walk to the nearest cinema and GO SEE IT. Then come back and tell me what you thought.
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I had a lot of trouble buying a bathing suit last year. I experienced much inner turmoil, many badly-lit fitting rooms and and very tired shopping feet before I finally settled on a two-piece swim covering.
This year, I have started having flashbacks to this shopping experience. I wonder what the hell I was thinking buying a TWO PIECE. TWO, count them, TWO separate pieces that revealed skin, skin that I don't normally like to show ANYONE. EVER.
Do I always go shopping when I'm possessed?
It's taken awhile, but the reality of the situation has finally sunk in. I am 31. I have borne two children whose birth weight was each greater than the national average. I gained weight and lost it, left my naval ring longer than I should have during pregnancy no.1, used my tummy as a snack table and remote control holder when I was at my pregnant max... you get the picture.
Skin is elastic, yes. That is the miracle of skin. Skin is miraculous. There is no doubt about it. It is our largest organ! But it is NOT like a rubber band. It does not snap back to its previous well-fitted texture after you have borne children larger than the national birth weight. No matter how many ab crunches you do, no matter WHAT kind of lotion you slather yourself with or how many vitamins you take, you will always look down at yourself and wonder who's skin you're wearing. Hey, who switched my skin?
Unless you have ever been pregnant you will not be able to precisely relate to what I'm talking about. Imagine someone inserting a pea underneath your epidermis, and then bit by bit, inflating it to the size of a basketball, pushing the limits of your skin WAY past what you thought was humanly possible.
As I was saying, unless you too have carried babies and/or inflatable sports equipment under your skin you can't possibly know how much all of this activity has transformed my middle area. It's changed, and short of a tummy tuck there is nothing I can do about it. There are wrinkles and stretch marks down there. It's not pretty.
Other than my feet, my midsection has officially become the least favourite part of my body.
Thankfully I am married. I never have to show my nekkid self to anyone in hopes of impressing him. Thankgod for that. And my husband has SWORN to stay married to me, despite any physical flaws which occur as I age. (Although as I write this I realize that we didn't refer to this specifically in our wedding vows. Does this fall under "for better or worse?")
So this brings me back to the issue of the two piece. A tanktini could be my salvation. Who wants to bet that it was invented by a woman who has also borne two children larger than the national average? But I'm still not convinced there is a suit out there that will fit and flatter my weather-beaten body. What I need is something that looks good, hides the obvious, and will serve me well at the beach and at the kiddy pool.
Why does bathing suit shopping have to be so difficult? Why does this process always become an exercise in self-esteem?
Bathing suit horror stories most welcome at this grievous time.
a
<10:57 a.m>
Fake tan update
After a long hot shower that included a shave and a vigorous scrubbing I managed to remove enough layers of skin to even out the streaky caramel look of faux-tan-gone-wrong. Time for reapplication.
This time I used less lotion, and thoroughly massaged it in with both hands. My legs were still damp from the shower, so perhaps the lotion got diluted with a bit of water. The end result is ok. I have some colour now, so my skin doesn’t look like pre-frozen raw chicken anymore.
This is a good thing. 
