<thursday march 13, 2003 - 8:18 p.m.>

This week has been total madness at work and here at home. I am going to keep this short, and report on two things.

1) Emma did something today that neither Mark nor I (or anyone else I know) has ever done.... she held a tarantula. In her hand! And was nonplused by the whole thing.

They had a reptile show at her daycare. The show was hosted by professional handlers, not to worry. Our Emma was selected as a volunteer because of her history with bugs. And apparently she likes to corner spiders and observe them in their natural habitat. She gets this from her father. Ok, maybe a little from me too.

2) Her drawings have improved in leaps and bounds. Here, for example, is her self-portrait. She's making faces, complete with eyes, nose and mouth.

I have a bunch of photos to upload to the main page. I'll be able to get to it over the weekend. So tune back in soon.

a.

<sunday march 9, 2003 - 10:18 p.m.>

Ugh - I'm starting to get a sore throat. I cannot get sick!

Saturday I went out to pick up a missing ingredient for a dinner recipe: breadcrumbs for Coriander Bean Patties. I knew I'd be the only one eating them. Oh well.

I could have chosen any number of places to buy this stuff, but instead I chose to go to an extremely busy shopping mall. As I moved between the crowds I realized why this was a bad idea. It was packed and I wasn't really in the mood to be there.

My stomach lurched. I've been having mild panic attacks at malls lately, a sudden feeling of claustrophobia that leaves me hankering for open space and fresh oxygen instead of the staleness that circulates in large public spaces like this. I am breathing what you just breathed and he just breathed and she just breathed....

I disregarded all of this and convinced myself it was better to wander.

I went to the craft store. It's crap. They never have what I'm looking for.

Next door was Grand & Toy. I wandered up one aisle and down the other. This store is a far cry from the big box office depot I normally frequent.

I have a thing for art supplies and paper products. Mark tease me about it, but I really really like binders and pens and pencils and stationary. September back to school sales used to be the next best thing to Christmas for me. I still get nostalgic pangs.

The row closest to the register was The Pen Row. I decided I needed one. I tried every pen along the top shelf.

I love purple and pink gel pens but can't imagine ever using them for anything. If I owned one it would take me awhile to get over its ornamental value.

Does this kind of frivolous thing go over well in a professional office environment? Is it silly? Would my co-workers think less of me if I had a glittery silver pen that trailed smooth lines of purple ink?

Can someone who uses one ever be taken seriously?

What if a prime minister whipped one out while signing a peace treaty? What if a police officer used one to write your ticket? A doctor writing your prescription? You'd think they were nuts.

More than anything these strike me specifically as a teenage girl diary-writing tool.

Dear Diary,

I'm not speaking with Rick anymore. He's such a jerk! I will hate him forever! I can't believe he would rather go drink a two-four in the back fields with Stinker and Rosco instead of taking me to see Steel Magnolias at the multiplex!

I will make him sooooo sorry!!!!

So while I secretly coveted the purple gels I realized they were beyond my budget - which was limited to the change I had jingling in my pocket.

I found satisfaction with a retractable medium blue ball-point with an EZ-grip™ handle. Really, it's only one step above the clear crystal Bic I used in school, but it performs exactly how I want it to. I'm not the kind of girl who needs a fancy pen.

I enjoy the act of Pen Evaluation, and leaving marks on the pads of paper supplied for this purpose. You have to try before you buy, right?

It's also interesting to note what people draw or doodle when they try a pen -- loops and swirls or jaggedly zig zags. What do doodles say about a person? Mine tend to be more or less loopy (a reflection of my loopy self?), but preference is to write text. I think this is the best way to test the flow of ink and the weight of the pen. Plus I don't like my words being too thick.

Are there some words that are more likely to be used for this kind of trial? I felt like asking the clerk. I'm sure they get a ton of profanity. But are the any impromptu poems or artistic expressions?

My choice of text today happened to be simple, who, what, where. I thought about this later, these questioning words - maybe because those particular ones are never that far from the top layer of my thoughts.

I used to get in trouble for my style of writing.

In grade seven we had to keep a journal. My first problem was that I always held the pen "wrong," at least according to the teachers. I do have a tendency to hold it at a strange angle and scrunch my fingers down close to the nib. My second problem was that I hated writing and preferred to print. My scribbles were always a cross between writing and printing.

It still is something like that, and it isn't too neat either.

andrea.